Reflection & Perspective

July 2008....just four years ago I came home from a doctor's appointment and wrote the first of many journal entries:


I am 49 yrs old.


I can knit a sweater.


I am a convert to Judaism, made a bat mitzvah and am a mohel.


I ran a marathon (26 miles) when I was 42.


I can climb a rock wall and am trained to belay.


I have delivered countless babies.


I am a surgeon.


I love to travel and when I do I take lots of pictures.


I hate to work out but I do it anyways.


I am a mom to 3 daughters.


I used to wear my hair quite short but for now it is at my 
     shoulders.


I would love to indulge in pedicures but I am too lazy.


I bite my finger nails.


I like to read.


My patients tell me that I am often a great comfort to them
     during difficult medical challenges.


"Karen, You have Parkinson's disease"


                   time 00.000  july 2008


26 seconds               stunned silence
26 heartbeats            it took longer than 26 sec because it stopped
                                 beating briefly
26 tears                    I got those out of my system quickly
26 steps                   took me to the checkout desk..."Mrs Jaffe,
                                you have a $10 co-pay."
26 minutes               I am sitting alone at the pharmacy waiting
                               for my new prescription.


THIS is my new marathon.  Life starts from here because you will never see it the same.


I always thought that I was a lucky person and that my accomplishments would be enumerated when I was old...over 90 because that is old.


But now I will measure not what I did but what I will do. I will not 'mind wander' to the end of my life but focus on each small marathon I am able to reach.


Frankly, I am scared but since I am not telling anyone, no one will know.


*****************************************************


July 2012


Time is a funny thing now isn't it? A lot has happened since I wrote those words so long ago yet in many ways these words feel so fresh and even raw that it is as if they were written yesterday.


And yet,Time gives perspective like nobody's business.


What I came to know back then was that a PD diagnosis to many meant illness and perhaps even inability, so silence and safely guarded secrets seemed like the right thing to do and as a result they shrouded my world.   

Time...


Today the secrets are no longer and as such I have gained some unexpected insight.....it is uncomfortable as a physician to be a patient but unless a cure is found soon, a patient I will be. With a bit of elbow grease, as a patient I have learned how fulfilling it is to become an advocate, to participate in and support clinical research and to play an active role in the quest for a cure. 


Time...


I could not have imagined back in July 2008 that I would ever write the following words:


My life is richer today as a result of this diagnosis in many ways.


And although I may not have climbed a rock wall recently, I have knitted dozens of Fox Wraps, read plenty of books, traveled to many new places, delivered even more babies and yes, I still bite my nails. Soon I will ride a bike across Iowa for a second year in a row.


Ironically, I am in better shape than I was in 2008 although my trainer, friend and confidant Kathryn knows that I would hide from her if I thought I could get away with it.


At the end of every day, I can still ask myself "How did I get so Lucky?"


Next Up: Marshalltown